My mind is everywhere right now and I don't know what to do, Everything changed the day I lost you. You are my firstborn and I thought everything was good, But apparently there was so many things that I misunderstood. In less than a week your death date will be here, And all these emotions I'm going through aren't even clear. I'm so angry that you were taken from me at a young age, I have all this hate and pent-up rage. I'm so upset I missed out on so many things, But I know you're not in pain anymore and have wings. It still doesn't stop the pain that I deal with every day, I really hate myself for feeling this way. I don't want to accept the fact that you really are gone, Sometimes I wonder how I even carry on. You were my little piggy, my precious baby boy, You gave me so much hope and brought me joy. Then you left us so soon and darkness came into my life, And I even thought about killing myself with a sharp knife. But I fell deeper in a dark hole and used drugs to hide the pain, That did nothing but make things worse and drive me insane. I'm clean right now but I want to get high, I just want all these feelings I'm dealing with to subside. I just want you to hold me and tell me I'll be okay, I want you to tell me to just stay strong for one more day. I want to hear you say one time Mommy I love you, I'm just so fucking confused I don't know what to do!